Delaying The First Kiss

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The common knowledge when I first started studying Game was that on first dates, “You should make a move and kiss the girl within __ minutes.”

The prevailing mentality seems to be a sort of contest to see how quickly we can “get the makeout,” like it’s a competition.

I understand the thought process behind it– you want to establish your sexual connection, and make sure she knows you “aren’t just friends.”

But I’ve found more success (and better logistics) when I delay the kiss as long as possible.

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Even if a girl is ready to be kissed, you don’t want to make the move and give her this gratification as soon as she wants it. Seduction is all about building up to tension to boiling heights. She’s a cat and you’re dangling a string, making her dance.

Kissing her early diffuses any doubt in her mind that you want her. From that moment on– no matter how much you tease her– she knows you’re chasing her. If you do go for the early kiss, your best chance of sleeping with her that night is to continue to escalate in order to get her so turned on, she wants to go home with you immediately.

But if you’re not going to commit to ramping up the sexuality from the moment of the first kiss on, you need to hold off. By starting and stopping, you’ve peaked too early.

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Another complication that arises from the early kiss is that the transition back to your place or hers becomes more awkward. This is an Inner Game issue, and one that can be overcome, but unless the girl is completely turned on and DTF, she’s going to resist leaving a bar to go to home with you.

But if you haven’t even kissed her yet, simply allowing the sexual tension to boil beneath the surface as you handle her with cocky mastery, she will continue bouncing from place to place with you, growing ever-more enraptured with you at each turn. Her body is feeling the excitement of a connection with a high-value man, but her mind is still questioning whether she will win your affection. This equation leads to massive ‘gina tingle.

I find it much more natural to suggest going to hang at one of our places at this point. I imagine the girl rationalizes it in this way: “Well, we haven’t even kissed yet, what’s the worst that could happen? We’ll probably make out.”

Then once the two of you are truly isolated, all the tension comes to a head as you take her in your arms and make your move. Carry this momentum all the way to the bedroom, and you’ll have achieved the First-Date Notch.

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I recently executed this pattern twice, to varying results. The strategy itself worked like a charm, but the girls’ values (meaning both sex-rank and personal morals) were vastly divergent.

One situation was with the girl I call Question Mark a.k.a. ?. I wrote about how I turned around my luck with one cocky text message here. Amazingly, she really did follow through and come out for drinks with me after that one simple turnaround.

We bounced around having drinks at a few bars near her place. I walked her home and used the Bathroom Excuse, though I probably didn’t need to. It all felt extremely natural, and she was still intrigued by me, and where the night was leading.

Ultimately, she claimed to be a “Good Girl” which usually means I fucked up, but she is quite young and I believed the essence of what she was saying. She claimed to have only slept with her 2 ex-boyfriends, which means she’s probably slept with around 5 guys. Still, that is an accomplishment of willpower for a girl of her looks and profession (actress) in this city. I had a nice night with her and was content not getting the bang on my first date with a girl I had so royally fucked up with at the beginning of our courtship.

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The second girl was Katarina, the girl I met at 4 a.m. in Brooklyn a few weeks ago. I remained aloof and cocky while I had drinks with her and her female coworker. Her interest in me seemed to ebb and flow, but it hit its high point as she asked me to hold her purse when she went to the bathroom.

I looked at her– nay– stared her down. I said, “I’m not holding your fucking bag.”

Her eyes widened and she smiled. “Oh shit, there’s your New York coming out! I love it!!”

She was really turned on.

When she got back from the bathroom, she sat in the barstool next to me and cuddled up against me. I whispered things in her ear, making sure to incidentally touch her ear with my nose, lips, and breath. Her attraction grew and grew.

Without much discussion, it was established that I was giving her a ride home.

We got back to her place and took it from there.

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The quandary of the First Kiss will vary based on each Gamesman and the particular situation he finds himself in at any given time. Only you can decide what the best strategy is for you.

But next time some “PUA” challenges you to brag about how fast you “K-Closed”, you might want to think twice about just how sage his advice really is.

There may be a better way.